Lakhpati

There is a sweets shop in Jaipur called Lakhpati Sweets.Very famous since a long time.the other day when I passed the shop, I saw it was given away or sold to someone else.

Ive heard now these Lakhpati brothers are well off, and now into other businesses.One of the Lakhpati brothers used to work in a  Nationalized Bank, and took VRS a few years back, and started an Import business which is booming.Since he could not manage Sweets and Imports and Bank work, he gave away the job first, and now the Sweets business.

I feel the Lakhpati must be feeling ashamed of his name really.When he was born, his pandit  blessed his parents, that your son will be a Lakhpati.That was a lot in those days say 50 years back, when a flat  in Borivili was for 10/- a sq feet then.The pandit those days must not have heard of  a crore, nor were the calculators or computers created then.

So this Lakhpati must have moved from lakhs to Crores and hence ashamed of this name.I think he should go to court and get his name changed to Crorepati.

Today, I have seen toilets coming for a lakh each , as are the bathtubs.A lakh will not even buy u toilet space anywhere, I don’t think even 5 lakhs will buy u a toilet anywhere in the cities.

And I think there must be different pandits for everyone.Our pandit may bless us for crores, to be a crorepati, what about Mukesh Ambani’s Pandit, he must be blessing the child with ArabPati, and Kharabpati.But I guess he must be charging the fees likewise, I feel.And this pandit must be a crorepati, rubbing shoulders with the likes of the Ambanis.

The Pandits too are undergoing a vast change.Now they are required to know English too, alongwith Sanskrit,and have to explain to the couples getting married, the meaning of the Sholkas they are uttering.And many have laptops too.I know quite a few pandits who just drink Scotch, smoke like a chimney, and the pandits tell the boy or the girl’s side in no uncertain terms of how much cash and whiskey they want.Gone are the times when the pandit would take what u would give him.

They too see how much u are spending on the decorations and the flowers and the food, so they too want their pound of flesh, most in cash in advance.And while during the pheras, u cant put 10/- notes.minimum is 100/- that too is middle class, as Maya Sarabhai says in her serial.And the couples kiss lip to lip after the pheras, and I and Harsha have been witness to it quite a few times, very very embarrassing, maybe we are old fashioned, and taking pheras with the shoes on, with the pandit’s permission.

Maybe that day is not far off when the Suhag Raat too will be out in the open at the pheras, and all videographed and photographed, the ways things are these days.Our times there was something to look forward to during the Suhaag Raat,literally, but these days, there is nothing to look forward to.The Suhag Raat is just a formality really.

I attended a Pandit’s sons wedding,and I can swear money flowed like water.What a set, set in a 5 star, and the food and the works.The pandit was in a suit, with a tie, and I found it hilarious.Of course he did not perform his son’s wedding, but called his sidey to do the honours.And the best part was that the food was nonveg, which even we eaters don’t do on the Reception night, as we believe we have invieted the Lord for the wedding during the pheras, so only veg must be served.

Well the pandit had screwed  us of money , and others, and I too took my opportunity to eat at his expense, and I was wondering if this quality of pandits can make marriages work !

But then look at Madonna the singer.She married in England, and the priest there gifted the couple with two Toilet rolls as a gift, as is the customs there, which means the priest blessed them , may your marriage be as long and as strong ( ? ) as the toilet paper.Long I can understand, but strong ?No wonder Madonna and Guy Richie are on the verge of a divorce now !

No wonder I have told u all so many times before, call me as the pandit for the wedding.I will sprinkle Scotch on the couple and bless them, that if and when u have a fight, just drink scotch and go off to sleep, and in the morning with the heavenly state that u will be in, you wont even remember what the fight was all about.

And I will bless the couple with Trillions, forget these miserly lakhs, and crores,and will bless that tu will have no dearth of scotch in yr homes, and chocolates, and pizzas ( food is so middle class, that is for silly mortals like me, u know , potatoes and onions ).

My fees for performing the marriage.Some part u know already, and a blank cheque, with a few nice juicy zeros running from  left to right, just like that Advt of M Seal where the son tells the father, papa ek aur Zero lag ado .HAHA.

Looking forward to the first invitation from u guys and gals, for yr wedding or yr children’s.Come one come all.

KAMAL MAHTANI